


as we step forward

by moonlights0nata



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: I really love them, Other, drabbles or ficlets i've written on my rp blog for these two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-09-30 05:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlights0nata/pseuds/moonlights0nata
Summary: At least, together, they are finding a way to be happy, despite all that weighs them down. Despite the things that still hurt.--Post-Canon drabbles/ficlets for Yubel and Judai (and Haou).





	1. twinkle twinkle

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to post some of the drabbles i've writen for Yubel and Judai from my RP blog here--there's many headcanons dumped here for both of them and how they work through some stuff post-canon.

In his childhood bedroom, Judai had glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. How he’d got them there was a story for another day, but it involved a ladder and one too many tumbles that could have ended in a dangerous fall to the floor.

Every night before sleeping he’d watch them, fascinated, feeling like they were watching over him as he closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep. Sometimes they’d light up his dreams of Space, of distant corners of the universe with sights Judai could only see while asleep. The sky outside his window had always felt so close and so far away at the same time.

He didn’t have to understand or know theories about Space to love the stars and constellations he saw awake and asleep. It’d always felt like there was a force beyond them, something silently tugging at him.

He’d hoped with all his heart that force and the gentleness of Space would give strength to the monsters he’d drawn and that it’d calm the anger in the spirit always by his side.

If stars granted wished, he hoped they were listening.

But not even the glowy stars above his head could keep the darkness of his recurrent nightmares, dreams of fire and Yubel’s pained screams, haunting him and making him wake up in a panicked scream. 

There’s gentleness in Space but there was also something else, someone suffering. Every night, for a while, Judai saw them and every night he’d wake up with fears and regret.

At some point, he forgets. 

The nightmares stop. His dreams are void of stars and Space, but he sleeps peacefully at last.

It’s almost funny to him how he’s come full circle, waking up now with a scream stuck in his throat, visions of fire and destruction and death still clinging to his eyelids as he blinks, trying hard to dispel them. Only when the fog of his dream starts to ebb away does the sight of the stars–real ones, far away in the sky–greet him, ever familiar now.

He used to dream of fire, of someone suffering because of his choices, and now it is much the same, people’s faces coursing through his mind, faces he can never forget, suffering because of him, all his fault.

“Judai…”

Yubel can already read the way his thoughts are going and he turns on his side, curling up and shutting his eyes.

“No.”

“Speak to me.” He can feel them close, but not overbearingly so, giving him space. “You know everything you see, I see too. Everything you dream, I dream too.” He thinks they are curling on themselves too as they keep going. “All this guilt you are feeling…I feel it too. But some is not yours alone, it is mine as well.”

“It was my fault. It’s my choice that made all of that happen. Because of me you suffered.” Pain only lead to more pain.

“You suffered because of me too.” Yubel replies. “I hurt you so very much.”

“You didn’t know any better.” 

“Perhaps.” They concede. “But now I do. And I cannot let you carry that guilt alone.”

Judai is silent and the night is still, quiet, for a few beats, with only the sound of crickets and the wind rustling the leaves to be heard. Eventually he feels Yubel looking up at the sky. “…You used to love looking at the stars, did you not?”

The change of topic surprises him, but it does make him tentatively open his eyes. “…Yeah. You remember?”

“I remember everything, Judai.” There’s something akin to amusement in their voice that makes Judai turn. He sees the spirit hovering in a sitting position close to him, eyes pointed skyward. Judai lays again on his back and looks up too.

“I still do, I guess.” He says, eyes tracing familiar groups of stars. For as much as he’s been outside, he forgets sometimes to stop and look, take the sky in. Space makes him think of too many things. It’s so vast and grand and dark, he feels smaller in the face of it even now–even when he was travelling across it with Yubel to purge it off the Light of Destruction what feels like not that long ago.

“Tell me about it.”

“What do you want me to tell you? About constellations?”

“I want you to tell me everything, Judai. Anything, nothing, whatever it is you want.” Yubel is a spirit with sharp features but there is something soft to them when they look at him. “I want to hear it.”

It feels like making up for lost time, Judai thinks. Even when Yubel and him share practically everything, when they could probably take a peak in his thoughts, they want to listen to him. He smiles, small and tentative.

“Okay.”

It is calming, to talk on and on about stars, explaining to Yubel the different constellations he remembers. Somehow, it also feels nostalgic, in a good way, and he wonders, faintly, if Yubel and him were once like this too. Watching the stars together, in a distant past, brought together by something other than pain.

Yubel doesn’t bring it up, so neither does he. 

He’s not sure how long passes before he feels sleepy again, words starting to slur, and Yubel shushes him to get rest.

“I will try to keep the nightmares at bay.” They say, like one too many nights, wishing to shield him of at least one more ache. It doesn’t always work but he hopes tonight it will, as he watches the stars above him, bright in the dark, watching over him.

When he closes his eyes and drifts off, he thinks he dreams of a gentle Space again.


	2. memory remains

_“I have lost– **everyone** —-” The Supreme King could only fall to his knees, covering his face and shoulders shaking with sorrow, the battlefield having gone quiet, with only the whispers of death and loss to fill the silence that was crushing him. “What did–Where did I go astray? Where did I fail?”_

_Yubel reached for him, their hands on his shoulders. “This is not your fault.”_

_“ **It is**!” The King threw his arm out, batting Yubel’s hands away and turning to them with a pinched expression, eyes glistening. “I…I should have  **protected** them. My friends, my comrades–they are gone because of my carelessness, my naivety–I thought I could fix this with **peace**.”_

_“They followed you because they believed in you.” Yubel insisted, kneeling in front of him. “Otherwise–”_

_“They would not have died.” The King mourned, bowing his head. “But now…they have all been taken away from me. Everyone I loved…” His face softened just the slightest, taking Yubel’s hands. “All except you.”_

_Yubel squeezed his hands, wings fluttering behind them just slightly, hovering around them like a protection from all the chaos around them. They could not be harmed, not with their scales to protect them, and they would use themselves as a shield if need be to keep their loved one safe._

_“I promised I’d watch over you, did I not?”_

* * *

_But even with their strong wish to protect, there were some things Yubel could not protect the King from. No matter how much they wished to protect his kindness, his heart from being tainted–the loss, the grief, the powerlessness–it all would consume the King eventually._

_Until his eyes turned gold and empty and shadows lurked at his feet._

* * *

_“We will destroy them.” The King had once been kind, light in his eyes, but now he was cold and ruthless. He spoke little and to the point. “Slaughter them in sight.”_

_The guards stood quiet, looking among themselves._

_“M-My King–Is that not–”_

_“I will not repeat myself.” The King’s icy, golden stare pierced through the guard who’d dared speak up, making them freeze. “ **Show our foes no mercy.** ” The King turned to leave, his cape fluttering._

_“And it’s **Supreme King** , to you.”_

_Yubel’s heart ached as they followed him._

_They got ready for war._

* * *

_“In order to defeat evil, one must become evil. It is the only way to obtain the power I desired–I see that now.” The Supreme King watched over his kingdom from the top of the hill, the sun lowering in the horizon and bathing everything in red. Red like the blood that stained his armor, his hands, the battlefield. Yubel had blood in their hands too but by this point it was not a foreign sight to either of them._

_It’s the path The King had chosen and Yubel could only follow._

_“I was a fool to think I could protect anyone with how weak and naive I was.” There was no warmth to his voice, not the one Yubel had known and adored. “Now I have it all. No one will oppose me. They all know who the Supreme King of this land is. And when the time comes…We will purge the Light of Destruction as well.” Even when he had everything, he did not smile. He was devoid of the happiness he once had. He was cold and ruthless._

_“Yes.” Was all Yubel could say, nodding their head. “I will be with you every step of the way..”_

_“I know you will.” The King turned towards them, Yubel watching as his boots stepped closer. It was quiet before he spoke again. “Yubel. Look at me.”_

_They did. As it’d been for a long time now, the King’s eyes were a dull and cold gold, eyes of a merciless ruler. Nothing shifted in them as he asked._

_“Yubel, do you fear me as I am now?”_

_A pause. Yubel stared back._

_“Is that what you wish?” They countered with a question of their own and The King squinted._

_“That is not an answer. But I can tell, by the way you look at me, that you are **afraid**.” The King reached for them, a blood stained hand brushing Yubel’s hair. They did not flinch. “Do not be. I promised you my love and I am not someone who goes back on his word. I would never harm you. I will always protect you, Yubel.”_

_Yubel shook their head, a tentative smile making it to their lips. Fear wasn’t quite what they felt._

_Sadness was more fitting. Regret. An ache to see the  person they loved most change and become everything he’d once had bowed to defeat. **One must become evil, to defeat evil.**  Yubel wished it wasn’t that way._

_They took the King’s hand in theirs and kissed the back of it with reverence. “And I, you.” They would always protect him, even if he had changed._

* * *

_A quiet night. A startled gasp, rustling sheets as The King woke with a start. His hands were shaking, the only indication of an emotion coursing through him. **Fear,**  perhaps._

_“Yubel?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Don’t leave my side.”_

_“I would never.”_

* * *

_Yubel watched The King’s back as he stood in the balcony, looking over the landscape. His back was imposing but Yubel felt something else from it too._

_“Haou?”_

_“Speak.”_

_“Are you lonely?”_

_“A pointless question. I have you, do I not?”_

_“…You do. Always.”_

_It didn’t feel like an answer. But Yubel already knew the truth._

* * *

_“You won’t ever be hurt again. I will make sure of it, beloved.”_

* * *

Judai awoke with tears in his eyes, startled, but the visions–memories–he’d seen were ones he didn’t know. They weren’t his–or they were, _now._  He could feel a sorrow deep in his chest; Yubel’s pain.

“Yubel?” He called softly.

“I’m so sorry.” They were curled on themselves, he could tell, and Judai reached for them.

“Yubel. That was–”

A nod. A sniffle. Judai sat up, hiccuping, tears spilling over.

He’d always wondered what had made The Supreme King so ruthless. The Gentle Darkness–it wasn’t so _gentle_ , not the way he’d experienced it. But seeing those memories, it was clear; he’d lost everything and himself. He’d fallen into darkness as well.

 _‘Where did I go astray?’_  It echoed in Judai’s mind, reminding him of how he thought he’d lost everyone in Dark World, letting his darkness consume him.  _‘Where did I go wrong? What should I have done?”_

“I could do nothing.” Yubel’s head fell. “I couldn’t protect him from sorrow, grief–from losing himself. His heart and kindness died along with his friends.” It was perhaps the first time Judai felt Yubel so shaken by old memories and it shook him too. “I made you relive all that. I made that darkness come back. I failed as a protector.”

The way Yubel’s feelings mashed with his own caused Judai’s throat to be clogged and made it hard to speak. But he tried anyways even when he choked on the words; because maybe he didn’t have all his memories as  _Haou_  but something in his soul needed to let them know.

“You are not responsible for the sins  _he_  committed.”

Yubel turned to him. When he met Yubel’s eyes he saw his own–shining gold–reflected into theirs; he hadn’t even noticed they’d changed.

“He choose that path for himself.” When he thought he’d lost his friends, Judai had drowned in his own darkness too. Back then, Yubel knew that would awaken the Supreme King in him–of course they knew. Judai looked down at his hands.

“Humans have moments of weakness, Yubel. They let their own darkness consume them–and some things just turn them into monsters.” He looked up at Yubel.

“The Supreme King lost himself but at least he still had _you.”_ He took the spirit’s hand in his and rested his free hand on his chest. Something–not Yubel’s but his, the  _King_ ’s–ached there. “The last person he had that meant anything to him.”

Yubel wept softly.

“I tried to make you go through that all over again.” They murmured. “How ironic, is it not?”

Judai could not deny that.

It was almost funny how history tried to find a way to repeat itself, even if it was through different forces. The past and the present were close to mirrors of each other.  But not quite  _the same_.

“In the end, we found another way didn’t we?” Judai smiled lightly. “Or we wouldn’t be here today.”

“You can still choose to hate me, for all I did.”

“I  _won’t_.” Judai glared at that, before his expression softened again. “It won’t solve anything, between you and me. We can’t keep hurting each other.” He looked on with renewed determination, that spark in his eyes Yubel found they adored. “We both have done things we can’t just erase…Things we regret. But all we can do is keep living, live with them.”

It was a weight they’d carry forever. With their souls fused as one, they had a heavy burden on their shoulders, but they were _together_  to do it.

“I told you I wouldn’t let you be alone.” He took both their hands. “I won’t go back on my promises anymore.” A pause. He scratched his nose, chuckling. “I mean–I  _can’t_ go back on this one–we are literal  _soulmates_ , you know?”

Yubel tilted their head, blinking curiously. “Soulmates…I like that word.”

“Of course you would.” Judai smiled lopsidedly. It felt too corny but it was fitting, in a way. Yubel would be the only one to know, anyways.

“I’m sorry I woke you.” Yubel said as he settled back down, and Judai waved it off.

“Hey, I wake us up all the time. We’re even.” He paused as he shifted to get comfortable again. “And…I feel I got to understand something.” He tossed the blanket over him.

“You can–talk about the past, you know. Even if I don’t remember it the way you do.” It was odd to have two different set of memories, of a time he himself didn’t know. But he wanted to  _understand._

Yubel hummed. “It’s alright.” Judai thought he felt their hand ghosting over his hair. “I think I’d rather focus on this present I have, with you.”

“…Is that so.” Judai smiled and closed his eyes.

When he dreamed again that night, he’s not sure whose memory it was this time but he could feel Yubel’s hand stroking his brown messy hair gently, careful with their claws, and the sun falling on his face.

_“Sleep.” Yubel’s voice was faint. “I will stand guard.”_

_He saw them smile before his eyes fell shut, dozing off to the wind rustling the leaves and the slow movements of Yubel’s hand._

_It felt like a happy memory._


	3. may i have this dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Jarrah' is the name I gave Judai's past life as the Supreme King, it's provisional but I kinda like it.   
> (Also Yubel is still human in this memory)

“Come on, Yubel !” The Prince tugged at Yubel’s hand, laughing, and Yubel followed with a little stumble to their step, flustered. The gardens were quiet, save for the distant sound of music coming from inside the castle, royal guests and nobles dancing and chattering in the ballroom. 

But Yubel knew how quickly The Prince tired of social gatherings with fellow royalty. There were always too many expectations on his shoulders on how he had to behave before them. So when he’d found a lull in conversations, while the guards were distracted, he’d taken Yubel by the hand and guided them outside.

Nothing said he couldn’t go out for a little breather.

“Finally–” The Prince plopped down on a stone bench, sighing. “I was getting tired of hearing nobles go on and on and ON about their hunting trips and their riches and their daughters–” He groaned, practically melting against the bench. “I am exhausted.”

Yubel chuckled, sitting beside him. “The King will realize you ran off, eventually, you know…”

The Prince put his arms behind his head, huffing. “He must be busy talking about his own trips and war and  _King things_. I do not think he will notice any time soon.” He tilted his head at Yubel, smiling at them. “And I enjoy your company more than any of those that are inside.”

Yubel blinked, feeling themselves flush. “Oh. I…”

“Hm?” The Prince tilted his head, and Yubel shook their head, smiling back. 

“Me as well.” They fiddled with their hands in their lap. “I like it when it is just us, my Prince.”

“I told you to call me by my name when it is just us.” The Prince pouted and Yubel laughed. “Tittles should mean nothing between friends.”

“Certainly.” Yubel leaned back against their seat, listening to the faint sound of musicians playing for a moment, quiet. “…Jarrah.” They turned to him. “Would you like to dance?”

Jarrah snorted. “I have been dancing all night, Yubel.”

“But you did not dance with  _me_.” Yubel faked offense, puffing out their chest and pouting. “You seemed awfully busy with that one Princess…” 

Jarrah groaned. “You know it is just pleasantries, do not be jealous.”

Yubel looked away. “I was not  _jealous_.” There was an edge to their voice though.

“…Fine, come on.” He stood up, walking in front of Yubel and offering them a hand.

Yubel arched an eyebrow at him, amused, waiting until Jarrah rolled his eyes and smiled, bending at the waist and holding out his hand again . “May I have a dance, Yubel?”

Yubel took his hand, standing as well. “Of course.” They let Jarrah pull them close, holding their hand and resting his other on their waist. He was taller than them now, but not by much, Yubel noted as they put their free hand on his shoulder. They needed only tilt their head up a little to peer into his warm brown eyes, looking at them too.

Jarrah took a step forward, Yubel took one step back. One step back, one forwards, and like so they began to sway along to the distant music. 

“You practiced.” Jarrah pointed out and Yubel nodded.

“I remembered what you taught me. If I am to assist to these events, I figured I should know enough to not make a fool of myself.” They tilted their head, eyes creased with mirth. “Not like someone I know, in their first ball…”

Jarrah flushed. “Quiet, you. I was very young. And need I remind you, it was you who I was sneaking with when I wasn’t assisting the lessons. So you are partly to blame.”

Yubel shrugged. “I was not the one looking silly later, though.”

Purposely, Jarrah stepped a little on their foot. “You are  _mean_.”

Yubel did it back, sticking their tongue out. “I only speak the  _truth_.”

Their dancing quickly morphed into something more playful, legs bumping against each other in their attempt to step on the other’s toes. It was childish and silly, eventually drawing laughter out of the two of them.

In their odd dance, eventually, Yubel stepped back too quickly and stumbled backwards, letting out a startled gasp and hearing Jarrah’s surprised noise as they were dragged along. They felt themselves fall back–and then stop, right before their back touched ground. 

They blinked dazedly up at Jarrah who was still holding onto them, one knee on the ground and the other bent, holding them in an awkward sort of dip. They stared at each other, faces much closer.

“…Got you.” Jarrah breathed out, relieved. Yubel felt their breath fanning their face.  “Who is the one making a fool out of themselves, now?”

 Yubel giggled. “… _Both of us_ , most likely.”

Jarrah stood up with a laugh, pulling Yubel with him, but kept them close. He leaned down and Yubel shut their eyes for a moment as he bumped his forehead to theirs, careful with their jewel. Yubel blinked their eyes open, tilting their head a little to look at Jarrah, finding them staring back.

His arms had found a place around them and their hands had settled on his shoulders. The music had changed, at some point, and the prince made them sway gently to it. Yubel tentatively slid their arms around his neck in a loose hold.

“Is this alright?”

Jarrah smiled affectionately at them.

“It’s you. It is always alright.”

* * *

“Yubel? What’s wrong?”

At the sound of Judai’s voice, Yubel startled, not realizing how lost in thought they’d been, listening to a group of musicians that were currently playing. People were dancing along to the music in the center of the plaza. Whether it was in celebration of something or purely for fun Yubel didn’t know but it had caught their eye.

They stared at the dancing pairs for a moment longer before looking away, shaking their head. “It’s nothing.”

Judai looked to where they’d been staring with a thoughtful hum.

“Do you want to dance too?”

Yubel waved a dismissing hand. “No, I don’t want to mingle with strangers–”

“That’s not it.” Judai looked up at them, hovering beside him, and smiled. “Do you want to dance with me? It looks fun.”

Yubel blinked at him, bewildered.

“You…realize how utterly silly you’ll look, dancing with yourself?”

Judai shrugged. “I’m not gonna dance in the center of it all–here is fine, right?” He’d been hovering on the edges of the plaza, where less people gathered. “No one to bump into.”

Yubel hesitated. Judai snorted. “It’s okay, I’ll be the only one making a fool of myself anyways. I don’t actually know how to dance but–” He bowed a little and offered them a hand, smiling. “May I have a dance, Yubel?”

Their lips parted, eyes bright. They rested their translucent hand on Judai’s, smiling back as they let their feet touch the ground and stepped closer. “…Of course.”

They were taller than Judai, but they let him take the lead anyways, even when Yubel had to instruct him on how to start, Judai’s moves much clumsier than theirs. He laughed anyways as they swayed and Yubel found themselves feeling giddy.  _Happy._

 If Yubel had been corporeal, they were sure their feet would hurt from the many times Judai would have already stepped on their toes, but this was fine.

“You have done this before.” He mentioned in passing and Yubel nodded. “With me? I mean uh–past…me? Him?”

“Yes.”

“Was he a terrible dancer too?” Yubel shook their head at that.

“Only at first. He would sneak out of the lessons to be with me.” They smiled fondly. “We danced like this, too, away from people. Just the two of us.”

Judai seemed thoughtful for a moment.

“Am I very…different, from him?” He asked suddenly, and Yubel hummed.

“You are his descendant. There is much that is the same. But much that is different.” Their swaying slowed down, as the music started to come a close. Yubel brought their hands up to hold Judai’s face. “You don’t have to think about that. You are Judai.” They leaned in to press a faint kiss to his forehead. “I love you for it.”

Judai blushed, clearing his throat. “O-Oh, okay I–” 

Yubel chuckled, eyes creasing, watching Judai stammer for once. He was cute when flustered. They took a quick look around before speaking again. “People are starting to look at you funny, by the way.”

Judai’s head snapped up, taking in the confused looks of the few people hanging around, most likely wondering why he was talking to himself. He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

“We–We should go.” Yubel nodded, following after Judai as he took off away from the plaza. The music had long stopped playing, and a crowd would soon start forming in the streets again.

“Oh, and Yubel?” 

“Hm?”

Judai rubbed at his nose, looking up. “You–Can you teach me, properly, how to dance sometime?”

Yubel smiled. Funny how it was them doing the teaching now. But they didn’t dislike it, not at all.

“I’d be happy to, Judai.”


	4. the stars down below

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Christmas chapter tm

“Judai.” Yubel begins, their eyes curiously looking over around the street. “Why are there more lights than usual?” They point to a big tree in the center of the plaza, adorned with lights and colorful ornaments. “You used to have one of those. Smaller.”

Judai smile is fond at their genuine curiosity. “Ah, you remember?” When he was little, he would help decorate the Christmas tree at home. He has a vague memory of showing off his work to Yubel, once, and them not understanding what was so grand about it. “It’s Christmas. A yearly celebration.”

“What do you celebrate?”

Judai hums, tilting his head. “Uuuh…I dunno. It’s supposed to be a religious thing, but most people here just use it as an excuse to buy presents and spend time with friends and family.” He shrugs, looking thoughtfully at the ground. “So–I guess we celebrate time together with people we love.”

Yubel is quiet, still looking at the lights on the tree. Judai walks up to it and looks up, a star shining bright at the top.

“Do you want something for Christmas, Yubel?” He asks out of the blue and Yubel chuckles.

“What could I possibly need?” They circle around him, eyes creased as they flash him a toothy grin.. “I have all I want right here.”

Judai blushes, kicking his foot against the floor and laughing, embarrassed. “ _Ugh,_  quit it.”

“It is true.” They stop next to him, hovering a little off the ground. “I do not need individual possessions, Judai. Just being able to be this close to you is a gift enough.”

Judai pouts. “You can be a little more selfish, you know.” He kicks his foot on the ground again. “If you want something I can get it for you.”

“Even sour candy?” 

Judai makes a face, meeting Yubel’s amused one, before he heaves a sigh. “Even…Even that, yeah.”

Yubel _laughs_ at his evident displeasure. Judai is pleased ,though, to hear them laugh; they have been doing that more often, he thinks. Or at least, together, they are finding a way to be happy, despite all that weighs them down. Despite the things that still hurt. 

“You are sweet.” Yubel shakes their head, glancing up at the star on top of the tree, to the sky beyond. “…I want to…” They fall quiet. Judai waits until they continue. “…see the city, from above.”

Judai grins. “A night flight?” He meets Yubel’s eyes, again, and turns on his heel. “That, we can do.”

He walks away from the crowded streets, until they reach a quiet neighborhood. No one is around to watch Judai find his way up a building–with the help of some leverage to get to the emergency stairs–and stand at the top, watching the view.

“All yours, Yubel.” He mutters, closing his eyes. The next time they open they are dual colored, green and orange. The change is slow, but immediately present, a change to Judai’s features that says Yubel is in control now; nails become sharp, almost claw like, the skin of their hands more scaly, and there’s a sharpness to their face that’s more like them. They focus on letting their wings sprout out of their back, riding up the back of Judai’s jacket–and tearing on their shirt, predictably.

“You know–” Judai says casually, hovering close by. “I think I’ll just cut holes for wings on any shirt I own. We are going to tear them anyways.”

Yubel flutters their wings, fangs showing as they smile. “Good idea.” They take a few steps back, eyeing the edge of the building, before dashing onto a run and jumping.

They flap their wings until they are as high as they can go and then settle into a glide, letting the wind carry them. It doesn’t take long till they are flying over the city and Yubel’s eyes open wide at the sight.

“Pretty, huh?” Judai says and Yubel can only nod. From above, the city looks like several tiny lights, all swarming together, twinkling in the night. It’s as if the stars had come down to gather on the ground and were blinking up at them.

“I never saw anything like this…It _is_  beautiful. ” There’s awe in their voice, as they make a turn and fly way above the big Christmas tree. They are tempted to go down and grab the star at the top, but Judai senses their thoughts and gives them a look that clearly says _‘don’t do it we don’t want to cause general panic_ ’. They huff but content themselves with watching the way the lights change colors every few seconds.

The night is dark but the lights of the city reflect on their face and cast a glow on everything. The wind makes their hair and clothes flutter. Their heart, too, flutters at the sight, at feeling another soul so close to theirs to share this with. They can feel Judai is happy too, quietly enjoying the flight. 

He does squeak, however, when Yubel makes a sudden nose dive and then flies back up, turning around mid air and feeling that freedom that only comes with flying, of open space to move and stretch their wings. Judai gawks at the series of pirouettes Yubel executes in the air.

“You are SO unfair, you have to teach me how to do this Yubel !” He’s beaming, bright like a curious child, and it’s enough to make Yubel smirk.

“I will guide you, next time.” 

“Promise?” He says, but Yubel senses the moment Judai regrets the word.  _Promises_ , with them, have an odd record. But despite all that is behind them, there is so much forwards, for them both.

“Promise.” They reply, no hesitation, and feel Judai relax. They can make new promises. Both are willing to try harder to keep them, to not break them again.

After a few more minutes of flying, Yubel finally descends, perching at the top of another building. The view is still pretty from here and they stay there contemplating it for another moment.

“Thank you. For this.”

“No need.” Judai shakes his head. “If you want to do something just tell me.” He grins. ”You are cutest when happy, Yubel. Like, actual happy not murderous happy.”

Yubel blushes but they laugh.  _Murderous happy_. It’s funny that they can laugh about that for a moment now.

“And, Yubel?”

“Hm?”

It’s a ghost of a kiss, something they can’t really  _feel_  on their skin, but Judai’s lips on their cheek is still a gesture that makes their chest tingly.

“Merry Christmas.”


	5. lingering presence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alt tittle: surprise bitch, betcha thought you'd seen the last of me
> 
> this chapter is much more focused on haou+judai feat. some art too, and it is waaay longer. this is basically me dumping a lot of hcs here !! reading ch 2 might be good for some context regarding what happened to haou back in his lifetime. also jarrah is sticking as his name i think, i like it
> 
> small warning for blood+a semi-graphic mention of a heart (but it's not very descriptive, this is just in case)

Like many nights he dreams, but tonight is different somehow.

There’s blood in his hands, blood on the ground, a clog at his throat and a feeling of helplessness and horror--but something is  _different._  Through his eyes--are they his?--he sees the bodies littering the ground, and although a part of him recognizes them, he  _shouldn’t_. 

They aren’t Asuka, or Manjoume, or the many innocents whose lives he’d taken as the Supreme King--but something about them is familiar _, too familiar_ , and a part of him says they are friends, too. Old friends.

 _Judai_ doesn’t know who they are but the sight of them hurts him, makes his vision watery. These feelings feel too personal to be anyone else’s, but at the same time, he doesn’t know  _when_  this happened.

“It is my fault they are gone.” He hears himself say, and it’s his voice but again, something doesn’t fit. He doesn’t have long to delve on it because he feels a sudden searing pain, as if a hand is clawing his chest and  _there is_ , his own hand pushes in _, in, in_  through his chest and past his muscles and bones until fingers grasp what they’d wanted to find. Somehow, despite how much it hurts, he feels calm doing it. 

He pulls his hand out, grasping his own heart, more blood splattering on the floor. He stares at it, watches it convulse in his palm, and he doesn’t even question the fact he should be dead without it.

“It is because of this. My weakness.” He snarls, anger coursing through his veins, at himself, at his heart that had been naive and had felt too many things, and squeezes it, watching it bleed. “I do not need this  _anymore_.”

He makes to throw it to the ground, but hands, scaly and familiar, wrap around his hand to stop him.

“Please, do not.” And suddenly Yubel is in front of him, just as Judai knew them, dual colored eyes and all. “Do not throw it away. For me, beloved.”

“I have no use for it anymore.” His voice is cold, but something softens when he, instead of throwing the heart away, hands it to Yubel. “But you,  _you_  are the only one who can have it. It is yours. I promised you as much, Yubel.”

“I will guard it.” Yubel cradles the hurt, bleeding heart in their hands with gentleness, like it is a precious thing. “Forever. I promise...Jarrah.”

 _Jarrah_.

If he looks into Yubel’s eyes, he can see himself reflected in them. Golden eyes, staring back.

Like falling into deep, cold water, the scene is engulfed in darkness and Judai with it, and he’s falling, falling, _falling_  until he hits the ground. Or, he thinks he does. It’s pitch black.

He sits up with effort, and looks around. He’s all alone here.

"Are you, now?”

He feels goosebumps on the back of his neck and he turns quickly, on guard, and he realizes someone is there, a silhouette cutting through the darkness; two toned brown hair, like his but shorter, wearing all black except for a red cape. He looks as if he’s sitting on thin air, one leg crossed over the other, and with a book held in his hand. He doesn’t need those eyes on him to know they are golden.

“You...” 

“We have not spoken like this in so long, have we not?” The man flips a page, looking disinterested. “No...The last time we did not really speak much at all. You put up no fight.”

Judai swallows. He’s not sure what is happening right now--this must be a dream, he thinks, but there’s something that feels too vivid about. And this man--he’s real, no doubt about it.

“You are...Jarrah?”

The man--Jarrah--shuts his book and stands, finally turning his eyes to Judai. Even though he is about the same height as him, he feels taller, with a stance and a presence fit of a king’s.

“It is Supreme King, to you.” A pause. Jarrah’s lips pull up in an odd little grin. “You seem confused, my descendant. Even you are not so foolish to think  I was  _gone_ , are you?”

“...Of course not.” Judai is aware that, in some corner of his soul, the Supreme King  _exists_ , he is a part of him whether he likes it or not. But his voice had been quiet for long, Judai hadn’t thought they could speak like this again. He hadn’t tried to, afraid to reach too deep and find him again.

 It is a little different, now, because Judai is actually in control of himself and the Gentle Darkness and Jarrah aren’t attempting to  _possess him_.

“You really think you are in  _control_?” Jarrah speaks, like he could read Judai’s thoughts, and Judai shouldn’t be startled by it but he is. He can’t accept the fact that this person and him are, essentially, different but the  _same_ , that they share a soul. 

“What do you mean?” Judai frowns, cautious. 

“You are using but a small part of the Darkness powers. It is even more powerful than what you are letting it be.” Jarrah paces around, the sound of his shoes tapping against an unseen floor, echoing in the quiet. “You are afraid of it.”

Judai bristles, fists curling. “I am not--”

“You cannot lie to  _me_.” Jarrah’s eyes turn back on him, intense, and somehow even in the darkness that surrounds them, Judai thinks there are shadows moving, curling around his feet. “You fear what it might do. You fear what _I might do_ , if you are not careful.” He opens the book in his hands again, and the papers flutters as if there was wind, the pages coming off one by one and hovering in the air around them. 

They are blank, at first, a reminiscence of the time Judai had been trapped within himself, until shapes and people and scenes begin taking form in the pages scattered around, scenes he remembers all too well. There’s fire and slaughter and the pictures are _moving,_  he can see the Supreme King--himself--as he commands his army down on innocent people, he can hear their screams. Everything he’d seen from within his soul, unable to stop it, letting it happen.

“But that was you, too.” Jarrah’s voice is even and calm, but Judai knows he’s trying to rile him up. “ _You_  let me in. You are as much to blame for all those deaths as me. With  _our power_.”

He knows he’s shaking but he can’t allow himself to be weak in front of Jarrah ever again. He tears his gaze from the scenes, fixing the other man with a glare. His nails dig in his palms.

“ _You_  are never--taking over  _me_  again. I am  _not_  going to commit the same mistakes. I’m not using the Gentle Darkness more than I have to, I’m keeping it under control !” It’s not going to hurt anyone ever again, if it’s up to him. It’s his power and as such, he choose not to use it if he can avoid it. 

“You are  _wasting_ it.” Jarrah tilts his chin up, gazing down at Judai with disdain. “Think of all you could _do_  with a power like this. You are not controlling it if you are not truly  _using it_.”

“Too much power ends up corrupting you.” Judai snaps. “It did that to  _you,_  didn’t it?” The pages spin around them with more force, the wind growing stronger and ruffling their clothes, as if something is stirring, the tension growing. The scenes in the pages shift ever so slightly, to memories of a distant time, Jarrah’s, but Judai isn’t looking at them. 

“Your lust for power made the Darkness consume you until you weren’t yourself anymore!”

“ _Silence_!” Jarrah’s voice cuts through the air, stopping the wind for an instant, and Judai is  _not_  imagining the shadows growing and shifting around Jarrah’s legs. “Without power, you cannot have _anything_! You cannot protect or save anything, if you are powerless!” 

He’s suddenly so much closer, arms length, and Judai wonders when he strode over to him so quickly. Jarrah jabs his finger towards him, shadows curling around his hand. His words are blunt, hitting Judai like a slap to the face. “You wanted power too. You _wanted this! You let me in, Judai!_ ”

“No!” He’d never wanted this, he’d never wanted to hurt so many, he’d just wanted to find Johan, wanted his friends back, wanted to save--He’d been so weak, in that one moment, that he’d allowed the Supreme King’s soul to surface and take over. He shoves Jarrah’s hands away, taking a step back. “ _I don’t want this--”_

A dark fist curls around his neck and makes him choke, the shadows in Jarrah’s hands slithering over his throat and chest and he feels like he’s going to drown. Jarrah’s gaze is burning into him, furious.

“Do not try to fight back against  _ **me**_ \--”

Judai’s hands scratch at nothing when he tries to get him off, and he tries, he tries to command the shadows, but he  _can’t,_  all he sees is Jarrah’s bright golden eyes and feels as if he’s going to slip away--

“ _Enough!_ ”

Another voice breaks through the tension, and with a fluttering of wings, Yubel is on them, shoving them apart, dispelling the shadows off from Judai. He wobbles, feeling lightheaded, but they catch him, holding him close to their chest. He blinks dazedly up at them, feeling relief at the sight of them.

“Y-Yubel?”

“I am sorry. I should have intervened sooner.” They turn their dual colored eyes on Jarrah, brow furrowed, but say nothing at first. Jarrah looks back at them, baffled for a moment.

“Yubel. Why do you stop me?” The book had slipped from his hands before, the pages that had been floating are scattered on the ground. One of them, close to Judai, depicts a scene from the past, and for a moment Judai is lost watching it, seeing a human Yubel and a younger Jarrah.  
  
“I cannot watch you tear Judai apart. He is as precious to me as you are, Haou. Stop this.”

“If he does not learn to control the Gentle Darkness properly--” Jarrah states, expression unreadable. “ _It_  will tear  _him_  apart. It is not so  _gentle_ if you do not know how to use it.” He huffs, almost childishly, crossing his arms. “I am trying to  _assist_  him.”

“Sure did not look like it when you were  _choking me_.” Judai pipes up, rubbing at his throat and standing up, legs still shaky. Yubel’s hand stays on his back for support. “I don’t need your help. I don’t want--any of this.”

“It is not a matter of what you  _want._ ” Jarrah hisses, words feeling as if he’d heard them himself many times and was reciting them back. “You have this power, whether you like it or not. Do not be so foolish to think it will always obey you. Not the way you are now.” 

He puts a hand to his chest. “I am the Supreme King. You are my descendant, the rightful owner of this power. But if you continue to reject it, and me--” His expression is defiant, squinting at Judai. “-- _It will never shield for you_. It will consume you the moment you slip up, the moment anger or some uncontrollable emotion takes over you again.”

A lone page twirls in the air. Judai watches the scene unfolding in it; that first duel when his eyes had gone golden, when all he’d felt was rage, the need to destroy. He feels cold, lips pressing together.

“Haou. I understand what you are doing.” Yubel’s voice is soft and knowing. “But he needs time.”

“ _I did not have time._  Neither does he.” Jarrah snaps brusquely.

“I know.” Yubel moves over to Jarrah. “You should have had time.”

Judai is a little perplexed when Yubel takes Jarrah in his arms and the man visibly deflates, like Yubel’s mere touch is enough to settle him down. Calm him and his  _soul_. They are every bit the protector they swore they would be.

Judai wonders, now, if this is no dream, maybe this is the shape his soul took now and this is where they are standing; darkness, as far as the eye can see. Sometimes, if he focuses, he thinks he sees flashes in the void before him, of things or colors but they are gone just as quickly, leaving the place empty save for the pages that still remain on the ground. He wonders if it looks like this because of him, or Jarrah. He wonders if it’ll always be like this.

Something begins to shift, though, Judai’s vision growing black spots in it, or maybe, it’s just the shapes of Yubel and Jarrah that are growing fainter. Jarrah turns to gaze at him when he sees Judai wobble on his feet.

“Think about my words, when you awaken.” His voice feels far away, Judai’s eyes feeling heavy. “Do not--” Judai doesn’t get to hear the rest before he slips away, falling into darkness again.

This time though, when he comes to with a startled gasp, his eyes are met with light. He pants for a few moments, centering himself again; he’s in his tent, safe. He tries to connect all the pieces of what he’d just experienced.

“Judai.” Yubel hovers close. They seem like they have much they want to say. “Are you alright?”

“Define alright.” Judai sits up with a grunt. Even though he can see light filtering through the tent’s folds, indicating he managed to sleep all through the night, he feels exhausted. “...I’m...I don’t know.” He hugs his knees to his chest. “I didn’t--I I didn’t think I could talk to him again. Directly.”

“The visions you saw...They were his. A nightmare and a memory.” Yubel looks like they knew this was going to happen eventually. “I believe he used that to call you over--He and you are bound together, too, even if you attempt to avoid him. He is part of your soul.”

“Why now, though?” Judai runs his hands through his hair, gritting his teeth. “He might be a part of me but I don’t want anything to do with him if I can help it. I’m not going to  _abuse_ this power like he did.”

“I know you will not.” Yubel hovers in front of him, hands coming to rest on his knees. “But I do think it would be wise to learn to use the Gentle Darkness powers, all of it.”

Judai flinches, curling on himself. Yubel goes on. “I understand why you are apprehensive, Judai. However, even you know...J--” They stop, before correcting themselves. Judai wonders why they don’t call him by his name, given their bond, but now is not the time to ask. “ _Haou_  is right. Knowing how to use your powers might save you from...from what I tried to inflict on you.” They are talking about the other dimension, of course, and Judai feels their guilt. 

“But--what if--” Judai’s fingers dig in his sleeping bag under him, shutting his eyes tightly.  _What if I can’t, what if I try and I can’t control it and I loose myself again--_ There’s the fear he has tried to push down for so long, but that is always there. Yubel can feel it, of course.

“Let’s---Let’s stop talking about this.” He rises hurriedly on his hands and knees to crawl out of the tent. His naked feet touch down on the grass, the rising sun hitting his face as he stretches, his body stiff and weary.

“Judai...” Yubel begins, intending to continue, and Judai shakes his head.

“Stop. Please.” Something in his voice makes Yubel pause. They sigh.

“Alright. It is your choice, in the end, Judai. Just know that...whatever might happen, whatever you do...I will be here to protect you. Nothing will harm you as long as I am here.” With those words, spoken like a promise, they retreat back, giving him space. 

Judai breathes in the cool morning air, watching the woods around him, listening to the quiet and not so quiet sounds of nature.

_‘Think about my words, when you awaken.’_

Judai reaches, lightly, hesitantly, within himself, to feel the tips of his power, one he is aware of more and more every day. It’s there, he can feel it when he focuses, always thrumming, alive and ready.  _His_.

He never wanted it.

 _‘It is not a matter of what you **want**.’  ‘ _I did not have time._  Neither does he.’_ 

There’s much he still doesn’t understand, about this power, about Jarrah, the way it connects them together. If he keeps waiting, will this power eventually--

_‘If you continue to reject it, and me---It will consume you the moment you slip up, the moment anger or some uncontrollable emotion takes over you again.’_

He stops focusing, clenching his fists and staring at them as they shake. It’s not that he rejects this power entirely--without it he wouldn’t be able to see Duel Spirits in the first place or make them manifest--but the way he’s now, he doesn’t dare test the limits of what he can do with it. He can feel it’s so much more than what he’s using of it.

And maybe the king within his soul is right, knowing what fate awaits Judai if he’s not careful with it, but that’s exactly why Judai is so hesitant. He can’t fall into Darkness again, he can’t watch himself destroy and take and take and take from innocent people, unable to stop himself because he’s too  _weak_  against it. 

He can’t loose himself again. 

_‘I will be here to protect you. Nothing will harm you as long as I am here.’_

The earlier words of the other spirit within him make him let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, shoulders sagging, fists uncurling. He presses a palm to his chest, knows he doesn’t have to reach far with his mind to feel Yubel’s presence.

Through pain and broken promises, they still stand together now, with new promises between them.  _Protection, company, loyalty_. It reminds Judai he’s not alone.

He can’t loose himself again. 

But perhaps, if he takes a step into the Darkness again, instead of letting him sink, Yubel will catch him this time if he falls, drag him out until he can breathe again.

Maybe this time, it can be different.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also at
> 
> moonlights0nata on tumblr  
> @moons0nata (main) and @pocketwriting (wips/ideas) on twitter


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